Whatever it Takes

One of the things that indicates that a person is going to have success battling addiction is that the person has an attitude of being willing to do "whatever it takes" to overcome it.  7 mtg.s a week.  A terrifying confession.  Expensive counseling.  Prayer and scripture study.  Blocks on electronic devices.  Giving up TV.  Changing jobs.  Whatever it takes! 

I've been attending 1 mtg. per week and understand that I will have to do at least that for the rest of the foreseeable future, blogging, reading recovery literature, praying, reading scriptures, talking with spouse and adult children and have an appointment with the Bishop on Sunday.  All of that might not be enough for you.  But I am determined that if I should have a slip, my wife will know about it, my Bishop will know about it, my sponsor will know about it, you will know about it, and then I will do whatever else I have to do to get back right with God ASAP.

Today marks the 60th day of Sobriety.  That's cool, but strangely doesn't seem to hold overly much meaning to me.  You see, I still have lifetime left to go.  What IS cool, is that now I have confidence that I can do it.  I have no urge to look back at a doomed city.  I am no longer thinking about what awesome image I might miss if I give up my addiction.  I can SEE myself leaving it all behind.  Forever.  It makes me sick to even think about where I have been.  I'm not going back to that place.

There are some really COOL things that come along with recovery, and I'll get to them in a minute. I'm using the word recovery because that's actually what I am in.  That's what makes it easy.  White knuckle sobriety is hard.  The first week of sobriety was white knuckled.  I was staring at the bottle on the table determined not to take a drink.  That can have some value.  After a week of white knuckling, despite the difficulty, I began to feel a certain amount of self respect.  That helped move me into recovery.  I had one other moment 3 weeks later where I was channel surfing in a hotel room (always dangerous) and saw a bedroom scene (no nudity) that threw me into a full blown panic.  I did not act out.  I turned off the TV.  I Shook and cursed myself for being so stupid.  That was the last time, and I am determined to keep it that way.  It was a powerful learning experience.

Now for the COOL things.  My wife has become impossibly beautiful.  She didn't have to diet, get lipo or get implants.  She didn't have to get a face lift or dye her hair either.  I look at her and want to stare into her eyes.  I want to breathe her breaths.  I even want to watch her eat!  Remember that?  She's having to get used to this new person.  Heck, even I am having to get used to him!  She wants to believe he is real, but it might take awhile.  I am OK with that.  I can see her starting to believe.  I can feel it.  Things are better back in the bedroom as well.  She's happier.  I am happier.  If you are a struggling addict, you have something to look forward to!  If you are a struggling spouse, you also have something to look forward to!

And, not only has my wife become beautiful, all of the other people in my life have too.  Because now I am looking, trying to figure out where their heart is at, and what I can do to make that heart feel better.  I don't care if she is an eighty year old with no teeth and a mustache.  She's beautiful to me!  Beautiful!  Imagine being in a world surrounded by that type of beauty!  It's amazing! 

Guys (and gals), it's worth the effort.  Give it up to the Lord.  Let Him take over your life and make it worth living again.  Let Him shoulder your burdens.  He's waiting, ready to do it if you'll let him.  I love you all!  Have a great day!