New Hope

Tonight at the SA 12 step meeting we read the first step chapters from the Alcoholics Anonymous "12 Steps and 12 Traditions", as well as from our "White Book", in other words, the main text for the SA meetings.

In the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions book there was some very encouraging news for the new addict.  It told how in the first days of AA, that the only people who seemed to achieve recovery were those who had hit a very low "rock bottom".  Later as these addicts achieved lasting sobriety and shared what they had learned with a new generation of addicts, more success was achieved with those who hadn't yet lost their wives and their homes and jobs.  Later still, success began to be achieved with those who had just barely started down the path of alcoholism.

Why this change in success rates?

Great question! 

It all comes back to the first step.  "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable".

Awareness that our lives have become unmanageable is not easy to come by.  In the early days it came only to those who had lost so much that it could not be denied.  Usually, that meant their family, their livelihood, their homes and most everything else.  But as this generation of addicts matured in their recoveries, they were able to point out to the addicts who had not yet lost all of these things that this is precisely how they had been, and then to challenge them that if they didn't believe that they were addicted, to just try to control their drinking for awhile.  When the new generation had tried and failed a few times, it often became apparent to them that they were indeed addicted to alcohol, and if their efforts had been sincere, they would hit their own "rock bottom", having lost a lot less than the first generation.

And so it went with the next generation of new addicts who had just started down the path to addiction.  They were challenged by their predecessors in turn to try to stop drinking if they really didn't think they were addicted.  The same thing would happen and they would be convinced  that they were addicted, having lost very little. 

I can envision this same sort of thing happening with regards to lust addiction.  As the first generation of lust addicts effectively communicates the signs of lust addiction to the rising generation, they can be warned off sooner, perhaps before the devastating losses mount up. 

This is what I would hope for my sons, and for the husbands that I read about who would appear to be just starting down this path.  "That's almost exactly how it started for me!"  I could tell them.  "If you don't think you are addicted, why don't you just stop and tell me how it goes?"  "Perhaps you could talk to me again each month for awhile?"  My guess is that with some of them at least, after a few failures, a recognition will begin to develop that "Yes, I am powerless over lust.  I need help.  I can't do this on my own!"  

In our discussion tonight, one of the members recalled his sponsor telling him "All of the steps are easy, except for step one".  Now, I'm not sure I could say that, but I would say that in my limited experience, no step is harder.  It took me 37 years to achieve it.  It's one thing to say the words, another entirely to feel them from the very depths of my soul.

And now that I have, I have found it to be "the magic key that opened the door and set (me) free".  (from The White Book) 

Before, I had been trying two options.  I would either express my obsession by acting out, or I would attempt to contain it by white-knuckling or by abusing substances.  The more I tried these two options the worse my addiction got, relentlessly progressing to more and more dangerous practices. 

I wasn't aware of , or couldn't bring myself to truly believe in a third option; surrender.  The paradox of surrendering to be set free.  What a wonderful concept to those of us who have experienced it!  I did it 70 days ago, and I repeat it regularly.

I see myself in the middle group of addicts.  I am benefiting from the sacrifices and learning of the previous generation of recovering addicts.  I have not yet lost my wife or children, my job or my home.  I have however, caused a great deal of suffering on the part of loved ones, especially my dear wife.  I have lost years that might have been spent more fruitfully.  Many good works that will remain undone, because the time to do them has come and gone.

Nevertheless, there is a great deal of hope for the future, both for myself and for my loved ones, that I might be able to help another break the bands of addiction a lot earlier than I did.  I am feeling frequent, intense outpourings of the Spirit.  I am beginning to regain self respect, and confidence before the Lord. 

Quoting from the Book of Helaman in the Book of Mormon Chapter 12 vss. 23-24 "Therefore, blessed are they who will repent and hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; for these are they that shall be saved.  And may God grant, in His great fullness, that men might be brought unto repentance and good works, that they might be restored unto grace for grace, according to their works."

I am thankful for the men and women who have gone before me and are now showing me the way.  MAN am I thankful for you.   Really, really thankful!  I know I am just getting started, but I also know that at last I have found the trail head.  I am on the right path.  My love goes out to all of you who read this!  Good night!