I should like to sincerely apologize for the offenses incurred with my last entry, as well as some of the comments that I have made on other's blogs. I am relatively new to the 12 steps, and have broken traditions to only speak of my own recovery rather than make assumptions about the recoveries of others. I truly regret that I may have hurt some feelings. It wasn't my intention. I have a lot to learn. I have shown arrogance and excesses of pride in my opinions. I have come to learn that I also have a lot of co-dependent characteristics. I fear that I am bound to make a lot more mistakes on my path to recovery, and beg your patience with me. I would not seek out contention, but would rather avoid it.
Since I am a newly recovering addict, it is to be expected that I would make mistakes in my recovery efforts. I view this blog as a record of said mistakes, and I hope that it will help others coming along after me be able to avoid them.
On a happier note, I have not been struggling with lust, or acting out for more than nine weeks now! A significant amount of the credit for this success I attribute to the selfless posts of the bloggers on the LDS addiction recovery blogs website. They help me to keep my focus, and to not let any of the little distractions in my life get to me. Many of the bloggers have been very kind to me, and encouraging. This includes addicts and wives of addicts, among others.
I have also felt great fellowship from the members of my Sexaholics Anonymous group. They are great guys and teach me so much through their shares!
I have set a new goal to study the Scriptures for 30 minutes each day. I have been praying earnestly each and every morning and night. I have fasted for the past three Sundays on behalf of the addicted and their spouses as well as for other loved ones.
I visited with my bishop on Sunday about my addiction and the SA organization. While I had visited with my past bishop about my struggles, this was my first with the new bishop. I let him know about this blog, as well as about the other blogs. He was not yet familiar with any of them. I am going to continue to meet with him at least monthly, if possible.
Our plan in SA this year is to study one of the twelve steps each month. My personal goal is to work each of the twelve steps during this same period of time.
Have a blessed and peaceful night, full of love and joy.
Dang Dan, sorry about you getting reamed the other day. I saw some of the comments on your last post. That's why i am super careful on commenting ANYTHING...especially with women. I don't hardly know anything but if there is one thing I have learned and that's NOT to trying and tell women how to feel or think! haha! I am the one with a messed up brain. They've been feeling emotions much much longer than me. Good job on the recommitments...this addiction will keep you humble...one way or the other! I used to post more and comment more, hoping that people will pity me and write things back. That's why i am an addict!! I want it all to be about ME! :)
ReplyDeleteBut i think you realize the mistakes. That is what my sponsor always tells me...lead with your weaknesses. We are NOT are weaknesses but a harsh, honest realization of them is what step 1 is all about. As you hear in SA, "We speak in the I not the we." Good luck with this journey of recovery.
I think that is excellent insight Warrior... recognizing why we do things - our motives behind our actions. Sometimes our actions can seem so innocent, and yet the motives behind them aren't so much. Like what you mentioned, attention seeking. It's not a dirty thing or a sinister thing - but it's definitely not healthy. When we seek for attention and validation from everyone around us, rather than the Lord, it creates separation between us and the Lord. I used to do it REALLY bad... attention seek... sometimes I still do, but most of the time I catch the thought processes of it before the action ever takes place. I'm striving to be better at it.
DeleteThanks, Warrior for your encouragement. Well you know it's easy, but not pleasant to look back on all of the stupid things I've done and said. I must now move forward however! Keep up the good fight!
ReplyDeleteDan - it helps me keep the focus off of others when I use the "I" voice. I read your blog post that causes some ruffling of feathers. I did notice that throughout it you were using the "you" voice rather than the "I" voice. If you use the "I" or even the "us" voice, then you are telling of your own experience rather than projecting opinions onto others. That's just a simple and safe way to help keep the focus on you.
ReplyDeleteSome of these lessons are hard - early in recovery I had people telling me left and right that I was wrong about stuff - and I hated it... but deep down I knew they had a point so as much as I hated it I'd listen. Ya, I'd lick my wounds for a couple days but I'd always bounce back.
Keep working and keep striving.
Share with us what you are learning in your step work. Share about tender mercies. Share about things you learn from your Bishop.
That's how we learn. We learn from you learning.
:-)
Sidreis
No offense taken:)Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus...plain and simple. Sorry you got ripped into! Addiction is a very sensitive subject for women and everyone is in a different place in recovery. Just follow the Spirit when you write and you'll be guided. You are doing fine! Keep up the great recovery work. Share with us what you are learning from the steps.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to hear your perspective.
:) Sparrow
Thanks, Sparrow. You're so nice! I'm not giving up!
DeleteWell Sidreis, you are pretty darn good at reading me. I can't go back. I must move forward. I very much appreciate what you've said. Nobody told me it would be painless! So... I'll be done licking soon.
ReplyDeleteoooh wow! sounds like there was some drama...I gotta read the other post comments lol! Don't worry Dan, I say things I regret all the time.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I pretty much stuck my foot in my mouth up to the ankle. Ignorance can offend. I bear no ill will, however. Every mis-step is a learning experience for me, as I get corrected by a thump on the head with a big fat stick. Dad always called me a knot-head! But kind words help soothe the sting. So thanks for that!
DeleteI appreciate your perspective, even the imperfect, maybe ill worded perspective. I make so many mistakes along the way too. We are all learning and on a journey. I think it is good for all of us to be compassionate with each other and also humble about our own mistakes when we do look at things the wrong way. Easier said than done though. I personally wasn't offended by what you wrote because I felt like all along the way you were saying, "I may be wrong" but still offering a perspective that was yours. Good luck as you continue your journey of learning! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, MM! I like your analogy of being on a journey. That thought is pretty cool. Like crossing the plains tohether. If my cart gets stuck and you come push me out, who knows, perhaps someday I'll be able to return the favor. And together we all share the sorrows and the joys!
DeleteI really appreciated your last post, and sparrows mentioning it because her post led me to read your post. I really appreciated the "discussion" type attitude of your post, just guessing and analyzing and thinking about the addiction without any proof or scholar. Just a guy who has been there thinking outloud. With that said, I hadn't chose to follow any men's blogs because I find them for the most part very difficult to read. I hear how hard you are trying and I love you all so much! And my heart grieves that my husband isn't there, what I wouldn't give to have my husband where you and these other men are! I am ok with slipping - I understand it happens when working toward recovery - but the strong faith and declarations of hope and trust in God! The lack of pride! The prayer! Sigh..,,l yep - I'm very proud of what you are doing. I love that you are seeking God with an open heart. So thankful for you!
ReplyDeleteI hope that came across ok - they are hard to read because I wish my husband was ready to turn it over to God. Accept that he may slip and let God guide his recovery instead of white knuckling it, sorry if my fix was worse then the original......
ReplyDeleteNo, I hear you! But I can't compare my recovery to others. I hope your husband will have something that helps him turn his heart over to God. I think there is always hope! I'm super happy to hear that you are working your own recovery, and not just waiting for him! And again, your gentle encouragement is very much appreciated!
Delete